Poker Jokes – It's All Aces

If you play poker a lot, you've probably cried over poker games. Poker jokes help take the sting out of a bad beat and help you make poker buddies laugh.

Poker Player Dog

Johnny was sitting at the dining room table playing poker with his dog Fido when his sister's friend, Tina walked in. Tina saw that the dog was able to place his bets, raise, call, everything. She was so impressed that she commented to Johnny: “Wow, Fido must be the smartest dog in the whole world!” “No,” replied Johnny, “He's pretty stupid. Whenever he gets a good hand, he wags his tail!”

The Poker Player's Wife

Martin was a lousy poker player, but he was terribly addicted. He would go out almost every night to play poker. Each night Martin would come home late and his wife Marie would ask how much he'd lost. Martin would sigh and fumble for excuses. Each day Marie would chide Martin about his poker habit and Martin would promise not to play the next night. Sure enough, though, he'd be out until late the next night too. One night Martin didn't come home at midnight. At one, he still wasn't home. Marie paced around the house all night. Finally, at six in the morning, Martin dragged himself through the door. Marie just glared. “Marie” he said “Last night I did the most terrible thing. I decided to go to a bar, and I met an attractive girl there. I bought her a drink and we talked. One thing led to another, and soon we were kissing. Then we went up to her hotel room, and I'm so sorry, Marie, I cheated on you. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me.” “Yeah right, how much did you lose last night?”

Another Poker Player's Wife

Andy was playing poker with his buddies and they kept upping the ante. Finally, Andy went all in for about $5,000 and got hit on a really bad beat. When Andy saw that he'd lost, he had a heart attack and died. The buddies drew cards to determine who would have to tell Andy's wife. Sam picked up the two of hearts. With a lump in his throat, he called Andy's wife Gina, and told her that Andy had lost five thousand dollars in a poker game. “Tell that good-for-nothing to drop dead” “I'll give him the message!”

Religious Gambling

Father O'Leary, Reverend Pollack, and Rabbi Weiss are playing some Texas Hold'em in Father O'Leary's church when in walks a parishioner who happens to be a policeman. The cop looks at his priest, upset, and asks: “Father, were you playing poker?” Father O'Leary gravely shakes his head no. “Reverend Pollack, were you gambling?” asks the policeman, and Reverend Pollack says “no, I wasn't” The policeman turns to Rabbi Weiss and says “Rabbi, were you playing poker?” The rabbi shrugs and asks “with whom?”